More Funny Stuff

Thanks to Sixgunz at Deliver4U for posting the following:

The following are reputedly replies included on Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing details about the father:

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Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A was fathered by John Smith. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night.

I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.

I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party where I had unprotected sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father can you send me his phone number? Thanks

I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto heel in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced.

I have never had sex with a man. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was immaculate and that he is Christ risen again.

I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the British economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by my country. Please advise.

I do not know who the father of my child was as all squadies look the same to me. I can confirm that he was a Royal Green Jacket.

John Smith is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs?

From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Euro Disney -- maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.

So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a programme about eggs earlier in the evening. If I'd have stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to a party, [my eggs] might have remained unfertilised.

Funny Stuff

Thanks to Sixgunz at Deliver4U for posting the following:

received by high school attendance offices in notes from parents.
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Dear school: Pleas exkuse John for being absent on January 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and 33.

Chris have an acre in his side.

Mary could not come to school because she was bother by very close veins.

John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

I kape Billie home because she had to Christmas shopping because I didn't no what size she wear.

John was absent yesterday because he had a stomach.

Please excuse Gloria, She been sick and under the doctor.

My son is under the doctor's care and could not take fizacal ed. Please execute him.

Lillie was absent from school yesterday as she had a gang over.

Please excuse Blanch from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday, she fell out of a tree and misplaced her hip.

Please excuse Joyce from jim today. She is administrating.

Please excuse Joey Friday, he had loose vowels.

Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football, he was hurt in the growing part.

My daughter wouldn't come to school Monday because she was tired. She spent the weekend with some Marines.

Please excuse Sandra from being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps [cramps].

Ralph was absent yesterday because of a sour trout [sore throat].

Please excuse Wayne for being out yesterday because he had the fuel [flu].

Please excuse Johnnie for being. It was his father's fault.

Maryann was absent Dec. 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache, and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low-grade fever. There must be the flu going around, her father even got hot last night.

Please excuse Sara for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.

Please excuse Lupe. She is having problems with her ovals.

Please forgive Clarence for being absent from school the past few days. He was home sick from an operation. He had penis trouble and had to be serpent sized.

The basement of our house got flooded where the children sleep so they had to be evaporated.

Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had diah diahoah dyah the shits.